There are a bunch of weighty subjects I never had the opportunity to discuss with my grandpa, just because they didn’t come up in the normal course of a grandfather-grandson relationship.
And I never asked about them, ’cause I never thought I’d find myself 40 years old, sitting rye-soaked in front of a computer screen, wondering what my grandpa thought on such-and-such subject.
One of those subjects, I suppose, is homosexuality.
I imagine that my grandfather was the product of an era when LGBT recognition was not what it is today, and we are all, for better or worse, the product of the times when we grew up.
The typical social attitude toward gays and lesbians was none too progressive even in the ’80s and early ’90s, when I was growing up. I still remember the popular schoolyard game “Kill the Carrier,” which was commonly known in my schoolyard by its alternate name, “Smear the Queer.” My children claim not to recognize the name “Kill the Carrier,” which gives me hope that they do not know its homophobic cousin.
If I did not grow up in bastions of acceptance, I suspect my grandpa’s attitude toward gays and lesbians was even less enlightened. Again, I’d like to think that he was open-minded enough at his core, but that he was simply touched by the world in which he grew up.
It’s never easy to confront the potential biases of your ancestors.
I’ve written in other forums about my Great-Uncle Jimmy, who served on the Detroit police at the time of the 1967 riots. I’ve read that those riots were caused, in part, by the chronic abuse of Detroit’s black community by the city’s police force.
So where does that leave my Great-Uncle Jimmy (a sunny, amiable, fair-minded sort, by all family accounts)? Did he look on and say nothing while his colleagues wielded their swagger sticks?
Was he blind that day?
All of this reflection comes about as a result of a calendar item in which my grandpa’s path crossed that of a prominent person who was homosexual — or, more accurately, bisexual.
October 10, 1972.
Stamford Mayor Julius Wilensky has already made one or two appearances on this blog.
The new arrival is U.S. Rep. Stewart McKinney, who represented Connecticut’s Fourth Congressional District from January 1971 until his death in May 1987 from complications of AIDS.
At the time of McKinney’s death, his physician (according to Wiki) suggested he had contracted AIDS as a result of a blood transfusion during open-heart surgery.
Two days later, the New York Times reported that McKinney had taken part in homosexual encounters, while downplaying the chances of his having contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion.
McKinney didn’t come out during his lifetime. But I imagine that rumors about him almost certainly circulated, as they always do about people who don’t seem to follow social norms to the letter. (McKinney was married with children, so perhaps he was not talked about. But, like I said, rumors do tend to spread.)
I wonder whether my grandpa gave two thoughts to the gay Congressman, or whether he simply queued up for a handshake with all the other congregants afterward.
I know what I’d like to think, but reality might have been different.
Conveniently, there is no historical record.
So I will assume the best; and forget the ensuing decades of social contempt and stigma; and go to bed content in the thought that my grandpa treated everyone the same way, and that he managed — in the language of later generations — to be straight, but not narrow.
I may be lying to myself.
Hope Street 
Very interesting. Growing up in So Cal I was exposed to all kinds of relationships/people. I loved my dad very much but he was so prejudice it was not even funny. This man was my hero but yet the words he spat about other’s not like him made me vow not to judge others, to be open to other’s way of life. All in all I think because of his prejudice I am a better person.
I can’t imagine your grandparents discussing the Stonewall Riots or even hearing of them, but “women’s lib” was a much more prominent issue at the time. What was your grandfather’s view of the “role of women”?
My dad (who says *he* had never heard of the Stonewall Riots until he looked them up on Wiki) offers the following:
“Kurt’s grandfather was a very proud man. At the time he became engaged to Kurt’s grandmother, she was earning more than he was. But he would not allow his wife to work, as it was the job of a man to support his wife, and the job of the wife to take care of the house and raise the kids, while young, at least. So they stayed engaged for a good long while until they amassed enough money to feel secure in getting married and ending his wife’s employment. She never worked again. And lunch and supper was always ready on time, and his shirts pressed. He was actually quite spoiled, as his mother lived with them, so he had two women to take care of the house and him. And both women seemed comfortable with their roles. But times change, and he willingly sent his daughter through a master’s degree program so that she would be able to hold a good job of her choosing, which she did (still does!). I’m sure he thought bra-burning and the like was stupid, but I think he probably laughed at it rather than be bothered or offended. It always seems to take some over-the-top stuff to attract enough attention to make sensible progress.”
Yes, your grandfather really was a product of his time in his opinions, but he did send me through my masters degree program in social work, which he really didn’t understand either!
[…] Past installments of Hope Street have found my grandpa hobnobbing with mayors and mingling with U.S. Congressmen. […]